Context-free quotes from the Butterfly:
It’s like The Sound of Music, but with zombies.
I didn’t know that she wouldn’t like being poked in her eyes or ears with a pencil.
Those two cars are exactly alike, except that one is a different color. And it has different lights. And it has a thing sticking out of the top. Also, it’s a truck.
The current season of Face Off has ended, and while I shall miss the victor Nora Hewitt and her awesome make-ups, the contestant I shall miss the most will be Stevie Calabrese, who I can only assume invented Post-It notes before she went into movie monsters…
1. You include the phrase “If we stop and think about this abstractly for a minute.”
2. You invent new verbs you feel need to be encased in quotation marks, e.g. The set A is “functioned” to the set B.
3. You include ANY sentence that sounds like it was pulled from a Deepak Chopra book, e.g. As we move to the infinite, the finite differences between become meaningless and unimportant.
Perhaps you’ve heard about the infamous “crocodile problem” from the Scottish “Higher Maths Exam” (which I gather is something like the AP Exam, but administered in a delightful brogue). It’s a basic optimization problem that nevertheless stumped so many test takers that the grading authority had to set a passing exam score to just 34%. Here it is, in all its reptilian glory:
Oddly enough, the same problem was administered here in America with some slight changes, and students did much better on it.
I found out that the Ladybug is reading E. L. Konigsburg’s From the Mixed-up Files of Mrs. Basil E. Frankweiler. This was one of my favorite books when I was in school, and so I excitedly told her about my fond memories of the book when she shared the news with me.
The next day, during the class discussion about their reading, the Ladybug shared with the teacher that this was one of my — her dad’s — favorite books when he was a kid.
“Oh,” said her teacher. “I didn’t know this book was that old.”
Utah Republican Jason Chaffetz is vying to be the next Speaker of the House of Representatives.
You may know Chaffetz as the dude who chaired the Congressional Oversight Hearing on Planned Parenthood’s fetal tissue donations that turned up absolutely no evidence of wrongdoing. Just like when Georgia investigated it. And when Indiana investigated it. And also Massachusettes and South Dakota and Missouri and six other states.
The highlight of the hearing was, of course, Chaffetz’ incorrectly cited, ethically misleading, and mathematically stupefying chart which asserted, in part, that 327,00 was approximately four times larger than 935,573:
Nevertheless, Planned Parenthood has announced that it will no longer accept any reimbursement for its fetal tissue donations, so apparently Chaffetz sorta won that round.
With that in mind, I’ve decided to help him out in his quest to be Speaker by chaffetzing up some more charts that he can use for issues near and dear to the GOP.
You’re welcome, sir.
While driving, I saw a car with a bumper sticker that read “I SUPPORT TRADITIONAL MARRIAGE,” followed by an equation that read MARRIAGE = [ symbol for the men’s room ] + [ symbol for the ladies’ room ], and I thought to myself “How dare they?”
How dare they screw up the math?
So I figured I’d some more mathematically correct versions for the folks out there worried about the sanctity of marriage. Enjoy.
This one’s for a certain Rowan County clerk, inspired by the billboard erected in her city specifically to troll her.
cf. Genesis 4:19, Exodus 21:10, Deuteronomy 2:15, Judges 8:30, 1 Samuel 1:1-2, 2 Samuel 12:7-8, 1 Kings 11:2-3 2 Chronicles 11… eh, you get the idea.
How old was Rebecca or Mary or Aisha again?
Over the weekend was the 130th “Black Hills Brawl,” a football game putting my Komplexify U against our local rivals, Bone Head State University 1. Now I’m not much of one for football (as evidenced here and here and here), but this was a special Brawl (in that it was a multiple of ten), and hence was worthy of being played on ESPN14. So the family decided to go and watch it. As we were getting ready, my daughters were discussing the game.
Butterfly: What kind of game is this again?
Butterfly: Will the Patriots be playing?
Ladybug: No. This is NCAA college ball, not the NFL.
[ The Queen B and I stare in squint-eyed befuddlement at her. ]
Queen B: I’m impressed you know the difference between the NCAA and the NFL.
Me: I’m impressed that you know the NFL exists at all.
The following day, the girls and I went out for lunch at the local burritoria. Football was playing on the television in the background.
Butterfly: Dad, who’s playing?
Me: Uhhh… I dunno…. Maybe—
Ladybug: It’s Green Bay versus the Steelers.
Me: How do you know that?
Ladybug: I can tell by the uniforms. Green Bay has the ugly green ones with that tacky “G” on it, and the Steelers are the white ones with the cute, multicolored stars.
Ladybug: I go to school with boys, dad. I know the ugly jerseys from the cute ones.
At least the world makes sense again.
1 Komplexify U won. Woo hoo!