No more pep talks

Speaking of gymnastics…

On Tuesdays, I drive home four girls from the gym: the Butterfly, the Ladybug, and her friends Malia and Sara. As such, I overhear their conversations about the day’s workout. This is one of those times…

Malia: … and that’s when I split the beam.

Ladybug: You split the balance beam? Ouch.

Me: Wait, what? You broke the balance beam?

Malia: No, I split the beam.

Me: And that’s not breaking it?

Malia: No, it means… well, it means… [she turns all red and starts to stammer]

Ladybug: No, I means she… well, she kinda… [she turns all red and starts to stammer too]

Sara: It means she CROTCHED it.

Me: …

Me: New rule. Don’t let me ask you guys any more gymnastics questions from now on.

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Pep talk

Scene: The Ladybug has a gymnastics meet, and so I am talking to her and the Butterfly, trying to calm her nerves.

Ladybug: I’m so nervous about the gymnastics meet.

Me: Don’t worry. Just take a deep breath, do your best, and remember to present in the direction of the judges this time.

Ladybug: Thanks, dad.

Me: Also, if one of the other girls looks like she’s doing better than you, just shoot spit-wads at her during her routine.

Ladybug [in shock]: What?

Me: Joking.

Butterfly: Good one, Dad.

Me: And YOU [looks at the the Butterfly]… you DON’T shoot spit-wads at the other girls during the meet, alright?

Butterfly: What? Why would you say that to me?

Ladybug [still in shock]: I couldn’t do that to someone… Besides, I don’t even know how to make a spit-wad.

Butterfly: Oh, oh, oh!!! I do!! I DO!!

Me: And that’s why I say that to you.

As a an addendum…
The Ladybug took 1st Place All-Around!

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May the Force be with you

Princess Leia too?

2016 should be taken to the Dune Sea and cast into the pit of Carkoon, the nesting place of the all-powerful Sarlacc, where it can find a new definition of pain and suffering, as it is slowly digested over a thousand years.

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Now THERE’s the droids you were looking for

Me: Hey kids, did you know R2-D2 and C-3PO are in Raiders of the Lost Ark?

Bugs: Nuh-uh.

Me: Yeah-huh. See?

Kids: Whoaaaaaa…

PARENTING WIN.

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Zero-sum, part 2

Game Theory Final grading…

The core…

UR DOING IT WRONG.

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