### Drinking Songs

#### The mathematician's drinking song [1]

Chorus

We drink to mathematics, upon whose structure lies

The physics of both space and time, and why the butter flies.

We drink our coffee every day, and nightly quaff down beer:

The postulates and axioms come out as theorems here.

Rene from Chartres was a man who had it all worked out.

He said, "I think therefore I am --- of this there is no doubt!

And by some lines in space you can all points therein describe,

So with that thought I think I shall another beer imbibe"

Chorus

Pierre de Fermat out of France, he was a gambling man.

He said "I read these books of mine to find out all I can.

"x^{n} plus y^{n}'s not z^{n} if n does exceed two,

But the margins of this book cannot contain this wond'rous proof!"

Chorus

An apple fell and Newton saw it plummet to the ground.

He said "I wonder what doth make the Moon to go around?"

Gravity was born that day, and so was calculus,

With its fluxions and its fluents and its dots to torment us.

Chorus

Bernoulli: father, son, and brother, and an uncle too.

Daniel was a relative, a cousin once removed.

Math and physics gained a lot, for they fought endlessly,

And nothing breeds success so much as sibling rivalry!

Chorus

Euler did believe in God, just like his fellow man.

Diderot the atheist said "Prove God if you can!"

"Sir, (a + bn) over n is x so therefore God exists!"

And Diderot could not refute a proof as good as this.

Chorus

Joseph Louis Lagrange wrote a book full of mathematics.

In English it would be the Analytical Mechanics.

He said "Look high and low, you'll find no pictures here!

So kind sir would you pour for me another pint of beer!"

Chorus

Marquis de Laplace did write some works on motions up in heaven.

He started work when but a lad of only ten and seven.

Napoleon said "I see no sign of God in this!"

Laplace replied "I have no need for that hypothesis."

Chorus

Karl Friedrich Gauss had a choice at one year 'ere his score,

To study mathematics, or words forevermore.

With compass and straightedge, he made his choice anon:

He went around and then inscribed a septendecagon.

Chorus

Cauchy and Bolzano thought that math was in a mess.

Separately they sought to make it much more rigorous!

Bolzano was Bohemian, and Cauchy came from France.

And with their work analysis continued its advance.

Chorus

Evariste Galois did write the theory of the group.

And with his knife did toast the King before the course of soup.

And at my age been laid to rest a dozen years or more.

So unto algebra I drink this next drink that I pour.

Chorus

Linear equations can be solved by anyone.

The cubics and quadratics and the quartics have been done.

Abel said "The quintics cannot likewise fall!

They cannot be resolved by means of radicals at all!"

Chorus

Riemann said that parallels need not exist in space.

Lobachevsky said that two or more could be in place.

The axioms of Euclid, which give us only one,

Cannot describe the space near massive bodies like the sun!

Chorus

Kronecker thought numbers should be things you can count on.

To root of 2 and rationals, he said "Vile things, begone!

Numbers should be whole! Let's get rid of the reals!

And in their place we'll substitute the theory of ideals!"

Chorus

Cantor showed that aleph_{0} can count the integers.

And aleph_{1} the reals, and aleph_{2} the curves.

For aleph-three-or-more, we've got no use at all.

So let us sing of aleph_{0} beer bottles on the wall.

Chorus

Banach, Tarski and Sierpinski were a bunch of Poles

Creators of pathologies, like gaskets full of holes!

"If you cut a sphere just so, from one you shall make two!"

(To comprehend this proof you need another pint of brew!)

Chorus

von Neumann was a man of math, from Hungary he came.

He did his work with automats and theories of the game.

He said "By minimax, you might as well coins flip!

"So you can play your game while I will have another sip!"

Chorus

The saga of mathematics has not yet in full been told.

The story, it goes on and on, it's six millenia old.

And yet I fear this song, has gone on long enough.

So take my glass and fill it with some alcoholic stuff....

We drink to mathematics, upon whose structure lies

The physics of both space and time, and why the butter flies.

We drink our coffee every day, and nightly quaff down beer:

The postulates and axioms come out as theorems here.

Yes, the postulates and axioms come out as theorems here!

#### Philosopher's drinking song [2]

Immanuel Kant was a real pissant

who was very rarely stable.

Heidegger, Heidegger was a boozy beggar

who could think you under the table.

David Hume could out consume

Wilhelm Friedrich Hegel,

And Wittgenstein was a beery swine

who was just as sloshed as Schlegel.

There's nothing Nietzsche couldn't teach ya

'Bout the raisin' of the wrist.

Socrates himself was permanently pissed.

John Stuart Mill, of his own free will,

After half a pint of shandy was particularly ill.

Plato, they say, could stick it away,

Half a crate of whiskey every day!

Aristotle, Aristotle was a bugger for the bottle,

And Hobbes was fond of his Dram.

And Rene Descartes was a drunken fart:

"I drink, therefore I am."

Yes, Socrates himself is particularly missed;

A lovely little thinker, but a bugger when he's pissed.